On my birthday in 2014 we published an article talking about the lack of cosmetic love for the stock shotgun. Since then, Valve’s kicked it up a notch and actually given us both a festive shotgun and Decorated shotguns, so they’ve kinda redeemed themselves. (we really still need an Australium one though.) And that means that the Syringe Gun is now the only stock weapon that goes completely unloved by Valve’s texture artists. I can kinda understand why, since it’s an underpowered and unremarkable attempt at a self-defense weapon that every Medic ignores because at least one unlock (usually the crossbow) fits better with any possible Medic playstyle. But that still doesn’t excuse the fact that Valve has literally never released a reskin for the stock Syringe gun. Because Valve made the Blutsauger golden and the crossbow festive, every player since 2007 who’s wanted to make use of the stock weapon has wielded the same simple gun.

If Valve had added Botkiller Medic primaries, they probably would have picked one of those two again. Pictures by Wolter and Scarlet the Demoness.
If Valve had added Botkiller Medic primaries, they probably would have picked one of those two again. Pictures by Wolter and Scarlet the Demoness.

But I think the time has come for Valve to bestow this classic stock weapon with some recognition for its years of service. I’m imagining a whole update revolving around the Syringe Gun. Wouldn’t that be awesome? Australium and Botkiller syringe guns added to the drop systems of respective MvM tours, festive syringe gun this Christmas and a non-holiday syringe gun reskin you have to craft with tokens a la Sharp Dresser. Most of these aspects wouldn’t be hard at all to add. Just imagine what a new MvM-wide rare drop would do; suddenly there is new motivation to play every single Mann Up campaign from Mannhattan to Mannworks!

Pictured: the average potato Scout who gives Medics free Uber.
Picture by Medic.

But we can go even further than we could with the shotgun and actually buff the poor thing. This SPUF thread had the idea to give the syringe gun +¼% Ubercharge on hit, and honestly that couldn’t hurt considering they decided to give Uber-building to the crossbow for some insane reason. Perhaps bring back the mad milk effect on targets, a mechanic I always adored even though it’s a waste of credits in MvM. Or, in typical Valve fashion, do something bizarre that nobody expected. Though I think showing love for the Syringe gun in any way would be unexpected at this point.

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